This past week was another great one!
Prayer is real. Communication with our Father, which is in heaven, is a real thing. I had a couple experiences this past week where internal conflict and strife was accompanied by the gradual remembrance of the power behind turning over those frustrations and inadequacies to Father. I forget very easily.
I was sick and not prepared to present a district meeting this past week. I was struggling to know what exactly the eight missionaries in the district needed. I was considering postponing the meeting. I called up my zone leaders and in a very frank conversation told them all of the reasons why it would be foolish for me to hold a district meeting the next day. I also told them that I needed them to help me build my faith that I could do it because deep down I knew that I could still do it but I was pushing that feeling off in favor of skepticism (interesting how things brought up in General Conference are so immediately challenged in our lives!) Those missionaries listened and then said a few words and then I hung up. Left with my own thoughts, I realized I needed to pray for help.
Amid the struggle I felt within my soul, I told everything to Father. The first thing that came to me was the Spirit. I felt Him nearby and also enter into my heart through feelings of peace. Once the Spirit was there, my mind was directed to ponder upon the Savior. I remembered His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and my thoughts were turned to the scriptures. Specifically, Luke 22:42, where Christ submits His will to His Father and says, "Nevertheless, not my will, but thine, be done." The Spirit told me that I needed to follow this counsel and use it. I texted the missionaries and told them that to prepare for the meeting, they needed to ponder this scripture. Following that, the rest of the meeting was presented to my mind and a little bit more work resulted in a meeting that was Christ-centered and helped center our minds on the work.
Throughout the week, that resolve and will to do the Father's will was tested. I fell short many times and grew frustrated over my own inadequacies and lack of follow-through on the commitment I had felt in my heart. Spiritual experiences turned into rebukings for me and I knew that what I was experiencing was a result of my own listening to the wrong voice and not God's. Following a stake conference meeting that surely was filled with the Spirit, I found myself on my knees again.
Humbling one's self is humbling. You realize that you don't even know exactly how to humble yourself and that is humbling. Again, I poured out everything to Father. I felt the Spirit come in and I didn't feel rebuked, instead, I felt lifted up. I let God do His work on my heart. I prayed to be guided to a scripture that would help me further. This is what I read when I opened up the scriptures.
"Behold, he changed their hearts: yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. Behold, they were in the midst of darkness; nevertheless, their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word..." - Alma 5:7
I know that God lives. Evidences are before us constantly. If we pray to Him, He will answer. He is our Father. He loves us.
I hope you have a wonderful week everyone!
By the way, if you want to review some of the previous experiences I've had you can go to the blog: foundedinfaith.blogspot.com